Have you ever felt like you are moving further from a dream or a goal? Like the path you are on is going in a direction you never dreamed or imagined in life? Do you find yourself questioning the things your passionate about and wondering if you're wrong for hoping for those things?
I have found myself in that exact situation just recently.
After dreaming of working with horses my whole life, I found myself as a recent college graduate working for the Mustang Heritage Foundation, helping horses, and riding several nights a week just down the road. All the while, I was preparing to ride horses across the country with my best friend.
Shortly before leaving for that adventure, the man whose barn we were getting ready at offered me a full time job as his assistant when I got back. Are you kidding me?! The day he offered me the job, we had hauled horses out to a pasture, he was on some green colts and I was riding a watchy, but experienced 10 year old mustang... Guess which one of us was the one who was a little bit scared?! Yet he wanted me to help him train? I was going to get paid to ride, feed, groom, and be around horses ALL day long?! HECK YES! (For all you non horse people, watchy means the horse was looking around quite a bit and fairly tense).
As we get older, our dreams evolve and change as we grow as a person. This was true for me as I began working the horse industry, learning about running a training and boarding facility, the behind the scenes accounting and financial decision making process, the feeding program, keeping clients and boarders happy while sticking to your guns, maintaining the facility, learning all about arenas and footing, hearing what improvements are needed to add financial value to a property versus what improvements are needed to make the training and operations more efficient, learning all the nuances of colt starting, all the while getting paid! The more involved I got at that trainer's place, the more I dreamed about having my own place.
Unfortunately, the more and more passionate I became about my dreams and the closer it seemed I got to achieving them, the further from God I felt, the more I struggled with anxiety, loneliness, my body was deteriorating, I was sick and desperate to cling to what I thought was the fulfillment of my dream.
I left that trainer to go work for another trainer who showed reining horses. Again, I thought this must be the fulfillment of my dream, I was SO excited when I started working with them. It was a great family, I got along with the trainer and his wife and adored their 3 year old son. Just a few weeks into the job and I was headed to work at the NRHA Futurity. Literally a dream to be there and be behind the scenes!
Even though I was again, so excited, learning new things, and meeting a ton of people. I once again felt a deep unrest in my soul. I was so sick from my autoimmune disease I could hardly get out of bed, I had migraines and headaches left and right, my fingers stopped wanting to work in the mornings, and I had joint pain so bad I'd cry. All of this was extremely uncharacteristic of me and I knew, yet again, I had to make a change.
I began looking at jobs, knowing I wanted to move to Arizona to be closer to my grandparents, to be in the mountains, and because the dryness of the desert is way better for my health. This is when I let go of the reins of my life. Immediately, God took over. His hand could be felt in my life again. (Remember, He wasn't the one who took His hand out of my life, I had pushed it away because I was so sure that I was receiving the fulfillment of my dreams).
After a relatively short amount of time, I found an add for a bookkeeping job working for a super sweet woman who owns the business. We talked over the phone and she hired me! I was so grateful for the opportunity. One thing I realized is horse trainers don't love the paperwork side of their business, they want to be training the horses and working with the clients. I began to see God taking my dreams in a different direction, one where I could combine my accounting skills with my love for horses to help the trainers I admire so much!
My horses were sold, my trailers were sold, my job was ending in Texas and I was packed up and moving to Arizona! I traded my cowboy boots and jeans for dresses and heals and my sunscreen for a computer screen as I began going to an office every day. I found a place to live, smack dab in the middle of Scottsdale. I didn't know hardly a soul in the area besides my grandparents and then Covid-19 hit. My first couple of months in Arizona were scary, lonely and hard. My mom and a couple of my cousins visited to keep me company and help me explore, but oh how my heart ached to be back with horses.
Horses have shaped my life in so many ways and to give all of that up to work at an office is something I never dreamed I'd be doing, but here I am. Working Monday through Friday at an office and I love it! I trust God has a plan greater than I can imagine and I trust that He is the one who gave me such a love for the western lifestyle and for horses and training.
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it." Psalm 139:1-6
Though I am seemingly further from my dreams than I would have ever thought I'd be, I trust God is working through my circumstances, growing me, strengthening me, and shaping who I am, so that when He fulfills my dreams one day of owning a ranch or at least land with horses on it, when He fulfills my dreams of marrying a man to work along side to grow a business and to raise kids who grow up in agriculture just like I did, I will be more grateful, more humble, and giving far more praise to the One who has orchestrated my life.
Trust in God along with me, that He gives us hopes and dreams, that He wants good things for us, and that He has a purpose for our lives far greater than anything we could imagine.
And in the meantime, in the middle of the wait, when the dream seems so far, far away, I will look at my saddles on a stand in my house, and cling to knowing that God loves me and has good things in store for me.
I encourage you sweet friend to hold on to His love as you wait and work towards your dreams. They may seem far away, or even impossible to reach, but I promise you, if you let Him, God will work your heart to see His plan and you will be oh so fulfilled when His sweet love is pouring over you and filling you up!
xo,
Sara
From horses to the office, God's plan is always better than we think!
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